It seems wrong, standing in front of him. But it still feels right.
In this enormous city of Surat; inside a vast building in a huge corridor, I find myself standing in front of Nisith.
Darkness accompanies us in the huge corridor.
All the girls and boys are in their bedrooms. Unaware.
It has been a ritual, to be by Sanchit’s side, understand and love him. Whereas, it has been a year’s wish to be by Nisith’s side. To wake up with his smell.
61 days and 22 hours. I have been away from Sanchit. Close to Nisith.
Now, Nisith is just two steps away. While, Sanchit is miles away, probably waiting for that single call that I had promised to make.
Those two steps turn into one and Nisith comes closer than I expected, while Sanchit moves further away from me.
Nisith looks into my eyes, as usual with a spark. It makes my heart ache; my legs shiver.
I want to escape. I long to meet Sanchit, but my body refuses to move.
Now there’s no gap between us, as he pushes me against the wall. He leans on me and tastes my lips. The same way Sanchit had done once, but with more care and love.
All of a sudden, my body unwants Nisith.
It feels wrong.
I push myself away from him, turn back and start running. I don’t know where I am heading. From whom I am trying to escape?
Maybe, my unwanted desire.
In all these years I wanted him. However, suddenly, his closeness doesn’t make me happy. It just leaves me with some tears. A lonely feeling altogether.
Sanchit told me not to be here, all alone with my friends. Especially, when Nisith is around. Argued for an hour about how insecure he feels. He had hugged me and cried, telling me how much he’ll miss me after I leave for Surat. And here I was in front of Nisith, too close to escape.
I rush into the washroom. Examine myself in the mirror. I can still feel his wetness on my lips.
It was an inevitable incident.
My unfaithfulness is an eternal truth.
The sudden buzz, in my pant’s pocket, brings me back to my senses. I pull the phone out, to only discover it’s Sanchit.
My hands have become numb. My brain isn’t responding.
Unwillingly. Hopelessly. I slide the green icon.
“Hi stupid! How are you doing? I’m missing you,” I hear his jolly voice.
The voice inside me forbids me from telling Sanchit my truth. It echoes in my head, telling me, he is miles away, he will never know what wrong I have done. However, my head feels heavy, keeping the truth from Sanchit. Simultaneously, my heart is scared to lose him.
I try to collect the words, but can’t find a single one. Once the girl who used to be the chatterbox in his presence, now has lost all the words, suddenly. My lips start quivering, the only words I find are, “Nisith and I kissed.”
There lies silence on the other end. Forever.