Unwanting Desire

It seems wrong, standing in front of him. But it still feels right.
In this enormous city of Surat; inside a vast building in a huge corridor, I find myself standing in front of Nisith.
Darkness accompanies us in the huge corridor.
All the girls and boys are in their bedrooms. Unaware.
It has been a ritual, to be by Sanchit’s side, understand and love him. Whereas, it has been a year’s wish to be by Nisith’s side. To wake up with his smell.
61 days and 22 hours. I have been away from Snchit. Close to Nisith.
Now, Nisith is just two steps away. While, Sanchit is miles away, probably waiting for that single call that I had promised to make.
Those two steps turn into one and Nisith comes closer than I expected, while Sanchit moves further away from me.
Nisith looks into my eyes, as usual with a spark. It makes my heart ache; my legs shiver.
I want to escape. I long to meet Sanchit, but my body refuses to move.
Now there’s no gap between us, as he pushes me against the wall. He leans on me and tastes my lips. The same way Sanchit had done once, but with more care and love.
All of a sudden, my body unwants Nisith.
It feels wrong.
I push myself away from him, turn back and start running. I don’t know where I am heading. From whom I am trying to escape?
Maybe, my unwanted desire.
In all these years I wanted him. However, suddenly, his closeness doesn’t make me happy. It just leaves me with some tears. A lonely feeling altogether.
Sanchit told me not to be here, all alone with my friends. Especially, when Nisith is around. Argued for an hour about how insecure he feels. He had hugged me and cried, telling me how much he’ll miss me after I leave for Surat. And here I was in front of Nisith, too close to escape.
I rush into the washroom. Examine myself in the mirror. I can still feel his wetness on my lips.
It was an inevitable incident.
My unfaithfulness is an eternal truth.
The sudden buzz, in my pant’s pocket, brings me back to my senses. I pull the phone out, to only discover it’s Sanchit.
My hands have become numb. My brain isn’t responding.
Unwillingly. Hopelessly. I slide the green icon.
“Hi stupid! How are you doing? I’m missing you,” I hear his jolly voice.
The voice inside me forbids me from telling Sanchit my truth. It echoes in my head, telling me, he is miles away, he will never know what wrong I have done. However, my head feels heavy, keeping the truth from Sanchit. Simultaneously, my heart is scared to lose him.
I try to collect the words, but can’t find a single one. Once the girl who used to be the chatterbox in his presence, now has lost all the words, suddenly. My lips start quivering, the only words I find are, “Nisith and I kissed.”
There lies silence on the other end. Forever.


Bharat Ka Rajpatra

Image from google.

The Gazette of India,Published by the “Ministry of Law and Justice”
Merely to provide general knowledge 
‘General’ for us,
The intellectuals, 
Crucial for them. 

And 71 years of Republic gave them ‘Promotion and Facilitation”Promotion’ for fears of little more marginalisation.
And ‘Facilitation’ for privatization, 
Open arms for free market and monopoly.

Once again they were promised with “Empowerment and Protection” But farmers’ productions left unprotected, 
As the MSP is left undefined. They, unempowered to step for themselves, By questioning their nationalism, 
And calling them “Maoist”.They were assured famine would never reach them. Their “Essential Commodities”
Will be sold at fair prices. 
But little did they know, They had to pay with hunger
To get their fair price.

The idea promulgated on “5th day of June, 2020”, The day owned by lunar eclipse, 
Adding some more darkness in their lives. 
Don’t forget it’s “Environmental Day” too, 
But maybe it was suppose to be “Suicide Prevention Day”. 
Wasn’t it?

Enacted on “27 September, 2020” 
Appreciated by the President! 
Then, who are “We the people of India” to question it?  
Solely some citizens, 
With no titles like “the first citizen of

And I understand our PM is busy,In avoiding “Maan ki baat”
For inaugurating a Parliament for us. 
No new Parliament means no new Non-democratic bill passed. 
Eventually, no dictatorship, 
Means no religious propaganda spread,  
And then we will be one step behind in becoming a Hindu Nation. 
I understand our PM is busy. 

But he addressed us, 
Addressed us after ages, 
With the pride in his voice, 
And political agenda in his mind. 

But this time the farmers are not waiting for any writ petitions.
They know their power,
Their ability, 
Their patience, 
Is going to shake the Central Government.


When society will cut apart,
Then marriage will not be duty,
Then wife will not be a servant,
Then child will belong to a mother,
Then his surname will not be hers,
Her identity her own.

When the hierarchy will break apart,
Then property will not only be given to son
But also to the daughter,
Then she will be paid for domestic work,
Then her husband will equally take care of the child.

Then love will be redefined,
Not a buying and selling game on Valentine’s Day,
Not Commercialization of love,
Being firm at a times,
Selfish many a times,
Not doing domestic work under the label of “love”
Not sacrifising her career under the label of “family”
Rather equal adjustment between two lovers to create a family.

By: pisesandhya747@gmail.com

What if?

What if?
The love laws were not defined by,
You or me.

What if?
The mere incident of seeing you,
Would have never occurred.

What if?
The incident would have never
turned into an interaction,
And an interaction into an action.
Action of embrace, care, love, affection.

And somewhere, I feel,
If those what ifs would have never occurred, I would have never happened to be me.

The Fraud


When she stops,
Putting forward you before herself.
Note that a fraud has been conducted.
Fraud of underestimating her,
disrespecting her,
Not considering her opinion,
A fraud that doesn’t count as fraud,
for you.
When the fraud is conducted,
She is done,
for good.


Her Unseen World


She was going to be born.
She was going to see her father.
she did not know the atrocities of the world.

She did not know, she was born to die.

It was her mistake,
to be born in the “Paradise on Earth”
To feel the breeze,
with a metallic smell.

But she needed to be born,
to see the shades of red blood,
on white snow.
To see the saffron colour flags,
covering the beautiful green trees.
To see humans with camouflage clothing.

She has to be born to see her mother wail,
to see her father

By: pisesandhya747@gmail.com

The Clean Little Bitch

At the corner of the terrace, she reveals her real self.
The thoughts accumulated in her brain erode, with each puff that she releases.
She sucks another puff of smoke with her finest lips.
Until she realises that she has to return to her hyspocritic world.
She encounters her family with the generous smile. All loyal. As perfect as she pretends to be.

Love Can Be Delusional


She cursed her ill-fate for not destining them.
And she counted stars during the day, believing that night was a delusion.
When we tried explaining that the delusion was not the night but her love.
She explained us back, with here jumbled thoughts and metaphoric language, that we are paranoid. We need help.

By: pisesandhya747@gmail.com


To all the observed,
Traps of gender.
To the unwashed clothes
That awaits for me.
The kitchen
With 100 ingredients,
With red chillies,
And sweet sugar,
Which neutralized
Every trap for me.
To the basin full of dirty plates
Bided dirty
For a lady.
To the glittery, shiny jewellery.
To the golden nose ring
That pierced in my skin
To complete
The idea of beauty.
To the bright red dot on my forehead.
Defining my religion,
For me.
To the young and old adult’s
On my birthday, festival, and pooja,
“May you get a good husband!”
To the possessive, loving Lover
Who defined love for me
As marriage,
To all the benign systems,
Which embraced me,
Because I was afraid of losing people.

By: pisesandhya747@gmail.com

The One Nightstand


It has been months since he left. Now my body craves his gentle touch.

Out of resentment, I go through my contact list. And text the most obvious one, “Let’s have a one night stand.”

All of a sudden, subconsciously, I go through my gallery, slowly. I measure the length of his smile. Try feeling the outline of his jaws. Imagine biting his unmoving muscles. And stare at the wrinkles on his forehead. Now, the guilt seizes me.

It embarrrasses me, how at first the idea entered my mind, but once conceived, haunts me for days.

I crave embrace of his rough hands. I want him to be mine.

But once left, never needed back.

The thick darkness occupies me. And I embrace my legs kindly with my gentle hands.

By: pisesandhya747@gmail.com